IN HIS OWN WORDS: Sean, the "Dancing Man" O'Brien

DANCING MAN – MY STORY

07.30 on Friday March 6th is a time and a date that will live with me for many a year. If you know your history, and have been following my story, that was the date and time when I received a call on my mobile just as I was about to leave for work.

On the other end was one of my closest friends and, considering the time of the call, I was instantly fearful of what the call could be about. What he then said to me has changed my life for the better in so many ways, and led me on the most fantastic journey possible.

I was told, that unbeknown to myself, I was all over social media and I needed to get on line to see what was happening. Not being a member of this phenomenon he sent me a link so that I could access and view what was being said.

http://mancave.cbslocal.com/2015/03/05/2000-women-want-to-party-with-this-man/

On opening I was shocked to see pictures of myself on a night out in two differing states of emotion. Where this was, I still cannot fully recall, as I often go out to enjoy myself only to hear the ridicule of others mocking me due to my size. At times I let this wash over me, but there are times, and this was obviously one, where comments from strangers hit a chord, and the insecurities that I am sure everyone suffers to some degree, take over.

If the story had of ended there who knows how I may have reacted or what I may have done, but this was no ordinary story. On reading further down the article it became apparent that a group of women in Los Angeles had had enough of faceless internet bullying and body shaming and decided to make a stand. They set out to “finddancingman”.

Cassandra Fairbanks, tweeted asking if anyone knew who this person was, and although this was not the first tweet posted, because of her already extensive following, the search started to go viral. A personal invite to “the dancingman” from Hope Leigh Rollins quickly followed, which wanted to invite him to LA to dance free without the feeling of ridicule. Not knowing who I was or where I lived this was a remarkable gesture of kindness and immediately made me smile, if not laugh. The negativity of the initial photographs and comments were put to the back of my mind.

I set off for work and e mailed my boss with the line “told you I would be famous one day” thinking that this was all still a bit of a joke and not knowing really how to take it. The next couple of hours we joked in work until it dawned on me that with so much negativity attached to cyber bullying, I best contact the girls involved and assure them that I was okay and say thanks for the support.

I signed up to Twitter with the @dancingmanfound and contacted Cassandra to say I was okay. What then followed was beyond my wildest dreams and other than the death of my mother is the most moving experience of my 47 years on this planet.

The internet exploded with messages of support with several celebrities also voicing their backing and numerous offers were suddenly on the table. From what I initially believed was a weekend away in LA and a Friday night dancing with roughly  15 – 20 of these girls, suddenly had the possibility to be the focal point of something larger that people seemed to be crying out for.

The Dance Free Movement was quickly formed by Hope which gave other people who had been bullied or victimised for whatever reason a forum on which they could tell their stories and unite as one. This brought together people from all walks of life and a feeling of togetherness was created almost as though it was the natural thing to do.

Over the following weeks I spoke to Hope and Cassandra a couple of times a week and went to Utrecht to watch Hope perform live. This allowed me to put a face to the person I had been speaking to, as well as get a feel of the type of person I was placing my complete trust in with the arrangements for my visit to LA. I need not have been concerned, as I met one of the most sincere, genuine and honest people I have ever had the pleasure to meet. I was also quite aware that they were placing their trust in a totally unknown person and wanted to assure them that I would try my utmost to not let them down in any way or belittle anything that they would like me to do.

A gofundme was set up to help pay for the party which quickly amassed over $40,000 and it was unanimously decided, that as complimentary offers for venues, entertainment and various other party essentials were being received, all these monies would be donated to non profit anti bullying charities to help with their works. On the eve of the party, a further $30,000 dollars was subsequently donated by the creators of Gudly, a new social media app that focuses on the positivity and sensitivity and aims to oust trolls.

As the weeks went by, some ideas were suggested which ultimately failed to materialise whist others reached fruition, but I always stated that even if it meant we had a party in a telephone box with just 5 of us, I would be travelling to LA to meet the girls and thank them for their support. However with two weeks to go everything came together (and I know for sure there was some hard work put in by the girls to make it happen) and a schedule of events was put together that any celebrity would have been flattered by, let alone an Average Joe from Liverpool.

The trip and its events have been well documented and is not the real core of my story, although it is, quite understandably what a lot of people want to talk about. Starting with a visit to the Today show and a dance with Meghan Trainor on the Friday it culminated with a lovely relaxing walk on the beach on the Wednesday with two of the girls involved. The 4 days between were all completely unique and enjoyable in their own rite, and were made even more enjoyable that my brother and one of my best friends were able to accompany me on most of them. We all had the pleasure to experience the genuine warmth and friendship we received everywhere we went.

As with most internet stories, and it should be noted, that there has also been a slight dark side to all this that has been hidden. Some members of the group, despite what has always been a movement focussed on highlighting the issues of cyber bullying and body shaming, have themselves remarkably started to become cyber-bullied.  As a group though, we have all stuck together and support in numbers makes you strong. It is amazing how even such a good cause and gesture can still bring out the worst in some people.

How do I feel about all this?

This whole adventure has made me realise that the issue of online bullying and body shaming is a far greater scourge on society than I initially believed. Prior to this I was fully aware it existed, but the only articles that I ever seemed to read about it were stories of tragedy or extreme bullying in which the “victim”, for want of use of a better word, had often resorted to extreme measures as a result of the actions of their bullies. Suicide attempts and severe cases of self-harm were the “norm”.

What went unnoticed and was seldom reported, were the numerous cases were harm did not result and the “victim” suffered in silence, often alone, afraid or unaware as to who to speak to. My story seemed to resonate with so many people, and whether it was the speed in which it turned from a potential evil story to one of a heartfelt nature, or whether people had just decided enough was enough, the important thing is that it has given both of these issues a real public voice and platform that they both deserved and required.

As a child I was made fun of because of a stutter that I had and as an adult I have been the victim of body shaming on numerous nights out where, even though nothing is said directly to you, you are aware of people mocking and making fun of you because of the size. I am an easy target for that but all I try to do is enjoy myself. But this is not the only times it has happened. Often walking down the street, you notice sly looks and covered mouth comments from people, on public transport you become aware that the empty seat next to you seems to be a poisoned chalice, and all this remains faceless. The only time you ever hear anything said directly to you is from young children, who often point and comment. As sweet as this is, as you cannot dislike the honesty of children, it starts to hurt when you notice the parents then laughing and making a joke as though these are acceptable things to say. This then makes it acceptable to the children and even encourages similar future comments so that they can once more make their parents smile. I would like to think that if they were making racist or other bigoted comments, the parents, whilst not chastising the children, would try to educate them and tell them that such comments are not particularly nice.

But what has all this meant to me and what next.

As I have already stated it has been the most remarkable journey imaginable but what enhanced the experience even more was the host of people I had the opportunity to meet. From Jumoke Hill to Matt Diaz, Vanessa and Kayla, the twins who inspired the “Home to Me” song, Justin Dennis and Miss Wheelchair America Jennifer Adams, all of whom, after reading my story, believed that this was the forum in which they could voice their own stories in a way of support for each other. There was also Olivia and Ally who could not attend the party but have been just as vociferous in their support.  All these, along with the numerous party attendees, made the night one to remember, and left the evening with a smile on their faces, and, without knowing it, have given me the self-belief that it is individual worth that is the most valuable thing you can have, and not what others perceive or want you to be. Being content with yourself will only help your inner confidence shine through which will in turn only make you a better person.

In the immediate future, I plan to work alongside the team in whatever way I can, to help promote the Dance Free Movement ensuring the forum remains as strong and as supportive for others as it was for me. It will be there so that any person, for whatever reason, can air their stories as a means of either seeking or offering support. We will continue to work alongside the already existing Cyberbullying and Body Shaming foundations to help them continue the great work that they have done so for so many years.

I would love to help educate where possible, but we have to accept that there will always be those who do not wish to be educated and those who will always bully and mock others as a means of “sport”.   

To finish, and sorry for going on for so long, people continually ask me what my best experience of the whole trip was. The answer is and always be simple – meeting the numerous people who helped make all this possible. Being able to say thank you to them in person and to now be able to call them my friends.

I am so proud to be able to say I am part of the Dance Free Movement.

From an Average Joe from Liverpool, a big thank-you, to all those who made this possible and who offered and continue to support. Together we have created something that can be built on to help others in the future.

Remember - Big-hearted people far outweigh the small-minded every day of the week.